20th High School Reunion

What??? It has already been 20 years since I graduated high school? Really? That is crazy. 10 years, that seemed right. It only seemed strange that I wasn't farther along in life at 10 years. I had JUST finished my degree and had JUST gotten married. I had been surprised to find it took me that long for life to get to these stages. But, now, looking back . . . it was perfect. My husband and I couldn't have met if we hadn't each taken our own sweet time getting our Bachelor's degrees. And I HAD announced over and over again as a girl that 28 seemed the PERFECT time to get married. I always imagined that would leave plenty of time for friendship fun first. Plenty of life AFTER high school before taking the lifetime plunge. And it did seem to work that way.

And now, here I am, 20 years after high school, trying to make sense of that. When I think about how NOT ready to visit with high school people again I was at the 10 year mark, it is funny that I am feeling more excited and ready now. Perhaps the happiness and humility that parenthood brings has reshapen my perspective about high school and the friends we leave there.

As I look though my year books and read through the signatures and the great and goofy things that were written, I remember how great high school was in so many ways. I found theater and choir, and they saved my shy self from the path my natural repelling of small talk were taking me down.

When I entered high school, I was moving from a place I had lived for 7 years. I had lived there longer than anywhere else ever. I was leaving the longest friendships I had up to then. And I was going from a district with junior high school to one with middle schools. That meant that instead of being a "big shot" 9th grader and first chair flute with people I had known for most of a decade, I would suddenly be a FRESHMAN in a building full of strangers.

I wasn't brave enough to join the gymnastics team. I stood outside of the double doors to the gymnasium, frozen and unable to make a move. No way I was going to open the door and walk across the mats feeling all the eyes of the established and known gymnasts of the school (there were SENIORS in there!) just to ask the coach what it would take to join the team.

And I couldn't convince my counselor, much to my horror, that although I had algebra, biology, and drama on my schedule for my old school . . . I was in NO way ready to take on those 10th grade classes as a 9th grader. So I sat in those classes filled with 15 and 16 year olds looking like a 12 year old, and I just shuddered, cowered, blushed, and tried to keep breathing.

But, by the time second semester rolled around, that drama class turned into a couple of decent roles and some lifetime friendships in the making. So, I guess that counselor got lucky in that way. And so did I.

So now I'll see some people and faces I haven't seen in 20 years this weekend. Some I may recognize. Some who may not know me from Eve. And I'm looking forward to it. It will be an adventure. A test of memory that I'm sure in many ways I'll fail. But full circle back to a need for small talk and yet this time there will be some reminising involved too. I'm looking forward to seeing any of my theater and/or choir friends. I'm looking forward to seeing SOME of my old "drinking friends" - some not so much. I'm looking forward to meeting the children of some great people I once knew. Perhaps meeting the children of old friends is the biggest way I know to feel a touch closer to feeling like a grown up. After all these years.

And, after all these years . . . I'm ready. Now, I'm ready.

Been a Long Time

It's been a long time since I Rock-n-Rolled . . . or posted to my Blog. A bit longer for one than the other. But I really can't say which. : ) So, let's talk about time. Because I don't really have much to say about Rock. I mean, I DO like it. Non-bluesy Rock. Like, Areosmith and Guns-n-Roses . . . but I don't know anything worthy of babbling about. At least not more than that. No, let's talk about time. How quickly it can pass. How easily it can fool me. How unrealistic my perception of it can be. I am a person who can often be late to things. I've heard it is very self-centered and selfish to be often late to things. Holding up everyone else. Thinking I'm so important that people should have to wait for me. I hypothesize that it is related to a chronic fear of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For example, like the time I loaded up all three kiddos into the car (pregnant with number four at the time) to go to a doctor appointment I had conveniently arranged for two of the three children. We arrived and found out I had the time written down on the calendar mistakenly for later than we were actually scheduled. The office's policy is to cancel you if you are more than 10 minutes late for your appt. So they were trying to tell us we would have to reschedule (for weeks later) and I would have to drag them all to the pediatrician all over again. Which I'm very irritated by since standing in the building brings to mind all of the sicknesses I may already be needlessly exposing the three currently healthy kids to as it is. Now they were suggesting I expose them again. So, I'm perpetually nervous about getting somewhere only to find out that I'm the only one there, or that I'm mistaken about the place or something. Well, I'm working on this. I don't like missing the beginning of things. I don't like that friends I've known for years (PAIGE) joke around about lying to me about the start time of things so that I might be on time instead of "on Kaycee time" arriving 20 minutes plus late. Well, one added benefit to my oldest being in Kindergarten is that I have another human being relying on my ability to be on time 10 times a week for 9 months in a row. It is giving me A TON of practice. And I'm doing really well, so far. I'm happy to report. Thanks, CJ. You make me a better woman! -143

Looking in the mirror

Well, I am finally taking a few minutes for a new post. I'm sharing an experiment I'm trying. As a new mommy, I'm not necessarily happy with what I see in the mirror right now. My face if very full and I haven't had a hair cut for months. So, when I took a minute to read a suggestion on Oprah.com, it sounded like something worth trying. One writer there recommended taking a break from looking in the mirror to see how we feel at the end of the break. Hopefully, we will appreciate ourselves a bit more. So, I'm giving it a try. I'm not looking in a mirror until Saturday. So for the next 3 to 4 days, I'll post how it goes. Right now I'm thinking putting on mascara and fixing my hair are going to be a challenge. But, I'll either skip them, or try to do them without looking. I didn't put makeup on to take my Kindergartener to school today, and I didn't dry my hair yet, I simply pulled it back to make the drive to the school. So it begins. I am not committed to makeup everyday, but I do wear it MOST days. The hair thing is something else. I feel better when I think my hair looks decent. OK . . . I like it to look much better than decent. But then, I won't know WHAT it will look like. We'll see. :)